A lot of things...

To do that is. I have many things on my mind and especially on my to-do-list. This isn't really the best feeling in the world but at least it keeps my mind off feeling down because there is nothing to do. My main concern right now is my Japanese, since I only have learned two languages properly. Swedish and English that is, I have pretty much lost myself on how it feels to study languages. I was fluent in English back in eight grade and since then I have barely bothered about grammar, making new sentences and so on. Instead I have just been exposed to and used every day English. The problem is... I have grown to respect languages.

I respect them so deeply that I feel insecure when it comes to even making a single sentence. Now, this might seem like a good thing but at this stage in Japanese I should play and make tons of mistakes. I just have to use the darn thing and by doing that I will most likely learn more words, more grammar and in the end I might even be able to talk it without sounding like a complete fool. The only problem is, how do I convince myself that I can do this? How do I expose myself to more Japanese? I do seriously doubt that watching Anime is a good idea, it's a bit too fast. Perhaps reading? Manga? Books? I better ask my teacher, because I am not going to let myself get a bad grade or possibly fail a course because I am too set in my ways... One ought to be able to change I suppose.

Discrete math

This term I have a course in Discrete mathematics, I don't know why but I somehow feel all exited about it. The first lectures has really been a lot of fun, a part from some proofs which can sometimes be horrible (when it comes to graphs). Somehow I like graphs...

Last Friday I hacked together a small program for graphs, this was quite amusing. I implemented some algorithms and played around. I did have comments regarding my mental health how ever, since I spent Friday night with an open math book next to me. Perhaps I can actually be good at this field of mathematics... or is it yet another field where I find a lot of fascination but still can't really grasp the whole thing? As it was with logic. One thing is for sure though, the old math fear from high school is gone since I started at KTH. At least that is a good thing ^^

Holiday

I wrote my last exam for this term today, feels as if the one who wrote the exam knew all my weak spots. I hope for a degree of four and doubt that I did well enough for a five. *sigh* I had hoped for a great ending but I didn't deserve a five anyway, I don't know my laser physics that well.

Now I should try to enjoy my first holiday since last Christmas. I spent the easter holiday coding on a project for school and summer taking classes in law. I feel somewhat empty... hollow... all the stress and pressure is gone. Perhaps I am well on my way to becoming a workaholic? But I don't really care, I want something to every day, to somehow feel a purpose and have goals set. Besides, I have never had so much fun studying as here at KTH.

Now I just ponder on what I should do next, I have a few coding projects of my own, but where to start? I wonder if they offer courses over Christmas? Perhaps 5p of philosophy, that would be both fun and rewarding.